i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
