I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
