I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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