Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize