I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
