wrigley field is MILF paradise
Ambien. No doubt about it.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
