Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
