i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
