listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
