You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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