my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
