Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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