I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize