Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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