Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
