I wish I could teleport
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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