We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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