I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
