I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
