Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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