Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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