theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
