His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
