So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
