I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
