Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize