just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
