so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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