i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
