ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize