we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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