this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Girls should come with a carfax report
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
