she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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