Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
