Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize