walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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