R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
