apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
