everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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