does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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