There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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