saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
