what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
