Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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