Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
