You can't special order awesome
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
