I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
