An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
