If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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