Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
