ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
