...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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