well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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