Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
