i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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