I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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