Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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