I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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