I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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