They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
