You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
