I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
