I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize