Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
