Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
of course. lets lasso hookers.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize