i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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