I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
