guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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