Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
