DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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