I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
