the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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