Someone shit on the floor
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
