I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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