That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
